The Safe Space Is Within
To feel safe is to stay sane.
You’ve probably heard the expression “safe space.” School counselors use it, psychiatrists use it, all within the same context.
A safe space is where you feel calm, relaxed, and won’t be judged or hurt.
Everybody needs a safe space. But what if there isn’t any?
What if nowhere feels safe?
A terrifying thought for you, a reality for many.
Last week I decided to swap the city’s buzz with the calmness of the mountain. Honestly, it wasn’t because I needed a break, just that there is nothing better than catching the early morning hours in the mountain.
The forest and the hills on the left, the calm yet untamed river on the right. Expanse, air, morning dew, birds, harmony — there simply wasn’t anything else to ask for.
Except that the coffee tasted differently. Not particularly bad, rather strange. Kind of dominating.
I finished my cup, but the taste was still there. And then I realized it wasn’t the coffee. It was a thought my mind was trying to process in the background.
“What if there isn’t a safe space?”
What if you can’t allow yourself to feel safe — anywhere you go, whomever you are with? This whole mountain-river stuff feels great for me, but would it be that way for everyone? What if, despite the beauty and the calmness of nature, you still can’t feel at peace?
So many questions were popping into my head. The answer was clear.
A safe space isn’t a physical location. It is a condition of the mind.
The safe space starts from within
Fear, death, relationships, work — there are so many instances in life that test our resilience. The pandemic is a major example. Studies find between 25% to 56% increase in individuals reporting symptoms of anxiety and/or depressive disorders.
Just when we were starting to finally tear walls down, the pandemic made us build fortresses.
Lockdowns were necessary, but they also proved too overwhelming for many. They stressed the feeling that you are safe when you are at home.
When the door is locked.
When no one can get near you.
Lockdowns made us create our own islands of isolation. That left scars in many of us. But the scars aren’t the problem. The problem is that, as a society, we are incapable and unwilling to help them heal.
I tend to believe I am a resilient person. However, many around me don’t have this luxury. People should understand that one’s state of mental health isn’t a choice or a switch you can turn on and off. Often, you simply can’t sustain anxiety. It can grow to a point where it takes complete control of you, disrespecting all boundaries, blocking your abilities to think, talk, move, and breathe.
That blissful morning I enjoyed on the river’s shore was possible because my head was my safe space. Take the calmest environment, and you simply won’t be able to enjoy it if your mind isn’t at rest.
A safe space, for me, isn’t a place where you can’t be hurt. It is a state where you know you can be hurt, but you are okay with it.
It’s a collective responsibility
We have all been mentally exhausted at some point. For some, this has just been a blip; for others, a harsh day-to-day reality they are trapped in.
It is important to put ourselves in the shoes of others. To help them build their safe place. If not, at least, to not intrude it.
Next time, that thought you might have in your head, these things you might want to say, the label you might want to put — remember that they will hit home differently with different people. Everybody is vulnerable in their own way, faces their own fears and fights their own battles.
As a society, we have pushed vulnerable people into the corner, forcing the narrative to always opt for what wins the popularity contest than what they really want and makes them comfortable.
“It’s all in your head.”
“It’s up to you to control it.”
“Stop worrying. It’s irrational.”
“Why are you scared? There is nothing to be afraid of.”
“How can you miss a party?”
“Why wouldn’t you want to go out?”
Know that the response you get might not always be out of the person’s own will, rather than a fear of not being understood. Of being judged. Remember that, for some, questions aren’t binary, and there are much more variables in place. And that’s okay.
